“I’m living with the end in view /
So it begins, but it’s ending soon”
This is my favourite line from an album I first listened to 10 years ago. The album is titled So it begins, and it’s by an artist named S.O. This was the last line on the first song on his debut album.
If you know anything about the rap game, it is that rappers always affirm themselves and state their (real or imagined) impact and longevity in the game. As newbies, they love to glorify their come-up and signal their take-over. It’s the strangest thing for an obscure rapper who just started to say “It’s ending soon.” Especially when their album was great! Why would you want to end soon when you just started so well?
Also, this rapper is struggling with depression. He just tragically lost his father, who was a central figure in his life. And he’s admitted to suicidal thoughts. Does he mean his life is ending soon, and not his career? The album is poignant with resolve to find hope in Christ, so that’s hard to imagine as what he means. But still, isn’t it a plausible interpretation?
This melancholic theme will be found to be central to this artist’s message over the years. By his fourth album, he has become a father and he ends the first track of his new album with this line;
“Till my final breath, I tell them this can go in a moment/
So I pray over my daughter that her soul will have solace”
I heard this line and thought Here we go again.
I recently started a new job. This is on-brand for me — I’m always starting a new job. Not because I get fired or anything. I’m currently in wanderer-phase, “seeking a country to call my own”. Whenever I start, I’m always keenly aware of one thing — so it begins, but it’s ending soon.
I’m also a rapper, if I can call myself that. I write and have recorded a few rap songs. I enjoy it. I do it. I often ask myself why I started out so late. For sure, I have been obsessed with music since I was a teenager and I have always been artistic. I sang in teenage church. I rapped in high school. But when my mates who are now established started going to the studio, where was I? (In med school, that’s where) I honestly never thought that I would still be doing (or better still, trying to do this) or that my resolve to do it would even grow stronger over time. I expected to outgrow it. I have many other dreams and talents, some more I consider more “noble”. So sometimes, though I believe deep down that my music will become something some day, I know that it won’t be for too long. There’s so much more. So it begins, but it’s ending soon.
I’m drawing close to the end of my third decade. I have always dreamed broadly and believed in destiny — my destiny. The what, where and how details appear dimly, and once I reach out to grasp them, they elude me. It feels like I have run around a playground and become tired. Humble and broken, ready to be led. Ready to be focused. I feel like everything has worked for me to be in the right position once my new decade begins. I feel like I am at a new beginning. So it begins… but it’s ending soon?
I recently got into the first and best dating relationship of my life. It came crashing down sometime later. So it began, but it ended soon.
I think that line also hints on the brevity of life. Not in a negative way, but in the realistic way that the Psalmist advises when he says Teach us to number our days. When we consider the end of it all; the uncertainty of life, the imminence of death, the hope of fulfillment and the fear of the Judgement, it causes us to be sober and do our best. So perhaps it’s a great philosophy of life after all. So it begins, but it’s sending soon.
The referenced artist is S.O. The song is linked here — check it out :)
