Granted, the title is a bit extreme.
Or is it? Desperate times call for desperate article titles.
Years ago, I visited a female friend of mine. She served me a meal and I gobbled it down happily. When I was done, I carried my plate to her kitchen and proceeded to start to wash up. I’m not sure why I did it, but it was not a completely conscious move. We were both university students, so perhaps I did not want her to think I did not have manners. She was horrified. You’re washing your plate in my house? Drop it!
Recently, I visited a female friend. “Friend” is too far, as I was meeting this person for the first time. She had been gracious and hospitable, inviting me for a rest at her place from the airport before I proceeded to mine. She served me a meal and I gobbled it down happily. When I was done, I was not sure what to do. Try to wash my plate to show my good manners? Or set it down as would be expected since I’m their guest? Leave the plate at the table or rise and take it to the kitchen? Overthinking, my great weakness. I was still twiddling my cutlery in deep thought when she threw the gauntlet, “Are you waiting for me to come take your plate from you?.”
It was a level of, um, directness I had not anticipated. Embarrassed, I started up and proceeded to wash my cutlery while she stood watching. I was not sure if this was a purely neutral question, but I confirmed soon enough that my host was challenging in me in a feminist sense. I washed my plate, hers, and all the pots that littered the sink area, and other items used before I arrived. I am not joking. This all took about thirty minutes, long enough for her to inform me that she was only joking and reveal the motive behind her question. I chirped that I like to wash — which is true — and just spent the time making chit chat whilst doing it. I had enjoyed the food. Maybe doing the dishes in her own home is where she draws the line?
I could not help but wonder at the extent of inhospitality I was experiencing. It was awkward and strange. Again, this was my first time in this dwelling, and first time of meeting this person. I wiped my hands dry and determined where I would rank them in my social circle. How does a person feel comfortable with a stranger washing their dishes while they stand and watch? This is madness, I thought. I probably went too far myself, and should have just set the tray down, leaving her to her mania.
The same day, I made it home to my hosts. They served me a meal, and I proceeded to wash my dishes. Once beaten, twice shy. My host screamed to her husband and then at me, “Can you imagine — he’s washing his plate! You stop that right now!” I proceeded to explain, confused by my earlier experience that afternoon, that I understood that it was important to wash my dishes. You’re our guest, they responded. You don’t do that while you’re our guest.
So what’s this fuss about washing dishes? Am I writing an article about that specifically? It may seem easy to dismiss the outlier in my narrative above as not having manners or common sense (things I later confirmed, in the course of getting to know them), but there’s a deeper issue here. It’s that issue that warranted the titled of this article. This manner of behaviour is rampant, with young ladies looking to turn everything into an opportunity to prove assert their wokeness.
Where does it end? Where does the urban woman draw the line between simple everyday courtesy and gender equality? Between common sense and modern ideology? Are you so small that washing dishes, or not washing dishes, is what determines your worth? The danger is that many young people learn their scruples from social media. Activism, to them, means walking around with a chip on their shoulder. Feminism means a lot of things these days, but I don’t think any true Feminist with a modicum of etiquette would do what my host did.
But who can blame the unwise? Isn’t it in the seemingly small things like this oppression, or at least a mindset that favours unfairness, would show? I think it does matter, and it’s not so small after all. This is where character shows. This is not intended as rebuttal to the non-washer of plates, who would no doubt be affected if they read this. I try to help them, as I also like to receive help and counsel in my areas of weakness. This is about the folly of our age, and a call to wake up from it.
I do blame the unwise though.
